tinnitus and meniere’s disease

Last Monday night, after enjoying a box of  chocolates with wine in it, I woke up in the middle of the night with tinging and hissing sound in my ear.  I thought, this is great, once in your lifetime you get lucky to indulge yourselves with foods of the gods, the gods sent you Medusa right away. I thought the sound was going to go by the morning but it didn’t. By Wednesday I had to see an EENT who pronounced my outer ear, my nose, my throat and my eyes to be in perfect condition. He said all I need is to take B vitamins which I did. By Friday morning the sound was already getting into my nerves  so I consulted Google. I was surprised there is a name for what I was suffering – tinnitus. The more I read about tinnitus, the more frightened I became. There is no cure and I have to live with it. By Saturday morning, I certified myself to be suffering from depression. I slept almost half the day. By Sunday I feel like I’m going nuts with the tinging and hissing sound.

Yesterday I went to see another EENT. After the tests, he said I got Meniere’s disease.  He gave me Ginkgo Biloba tablets for two weeks and have to continue the B complex vitamins. The tinnitus is just one of the disease’s symptom. When I googled menniers, I learned that menniers doesn’t have a cure, cause is unknown, the tinnitus won’t go away, and that my hearing will progressively deteriorate.

I know I can choose  how to react to all these. My choice now is to be angry. I am angry, very angry, very, very angry.

Proud to be a Filipino

Proudly Pinoy!

This 2010 election, many of our people endure the heat of summer queuing for hours just to make their votes count, to have their voices heard, little and insignificant as they may be individually but powerful collectively. Electing Noynoy for president showed that our people put more value to a promise of moral and just society over the promises of economic prosperity by the other candidates. We know that economic prosperity cannot happen in a corrupt, immoral, and self-serving government leadership. We know that the food it will put on our plates while it may not corrupt our bodies, it will corrupt our society and our dignity as people and widen the chasm between the rich and the poor. May the choice we made be a challenge to the new leadership. May it be an inspiration to them and to our people. May we continue to put aside self-interests for the common good.

keeping still

..the true contemplative is not the one who prepares his mind for a particular message that he wants or expects to hear, but who remains empty because he knows that he can never expect or anticipate the word that will transform his darkness into light. …

He waits on the Word of God in silence, and when he is “answered,” it is not so much by a word that bursts into his silence. It is by his silence itself suddenly, inexplicably revealing itself to him as a word of great power, full of the voice of God. – Thomas Merton

Flawless Camellia

I think God’s dream for us is to be flawless as this camellia. If only we’ll allow him to have a free hand on us … which can happen when the heart is still.


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I found this in one of my auntie’s collections of notes and books about leadership. It’ from a sign on the wall of Shishu Bhavan, the Children’s home in Calcutta.”


People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered,


If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives,


If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies,


The good you do will be forgotten tomorrow


Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable,


What you spent years building may be destroyed overnight,


People really need help but may attack you if you help them,


Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth,


And my auntie Tess did just that.